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Post by musikaddict on May 4, 2005 23:44:21 GMT -5
One afternoon, a man went to the doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor said: " Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill will another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so many medicines, the man stammered: "Jeez doc, exactly what is my problem?" The doctor replied: "You're not drinking enough water."
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Post by musikaddict on May 4, 2005 23:58:30 GMT -5
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen." "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beated him three games out of five."
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Post by Lolie on May 5, 2005 19:24:51 GMT -5
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Post by musikaddict on May 6, 2005 0:05:35 GMT -5
There were these 2 cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said: "I tell you, this mad cow disease is really pretty scary. They say it is sreading fast. I heard it hit some cows down n the Johnson farm."
The other cow replied: "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
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Post by sky on May 6, 2005 4:26:12 GMT -5
There were these 2 cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said: "I tell you, this mad cow disease is really pretty scary. They say it is sreading fast. I heard it hit some cows down n the Johnson farm."
The other cow replied: "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks." and then the third cow says "holy cow! a talking cow!"
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Post by Lolie on May 6, 2005 18:22:37 GMT -5
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Post by musikaddict on May 7, 2005 2:03:57 GMT -5
A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.
He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."
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Post by sky on May 7, 2005 11:09:25 GMT -5
boy did he love his mother-in-law
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Post by Lolie on May 7, 2005 11:59:34 GMT -5
LOL
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Post by musikaddict on May 8, 2005 23:38:01 GMT -5
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber was foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if i swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
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Post by sky on May 9, 2005 1:08:54 GMT -5
that barbershop must close
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Post by ashley on May 9, 2005 19:39:51 GMT -5
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Post by Lolie on May 9, 2005 20:09:30 GMT -5
lol
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Post by musikaddict on May 10, 2005 1:58:24 GMT -5
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer: "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5000 Safe Driver Award. Congradulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" He thought for a minute and said: "Well, I guess I'll go get that driver's license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh don't pay attention to him - he's a smart alec when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat: "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said: "Are we over the border yet?"
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Post by sky on May 10, 2005 5:03:17 GMT -5
that police officer must be new
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